With the expected due date still almost three weeks away, our lovely little E decided to show up already on the 1st October and has been giving us so much happiness and joy during her first week here with us that I cannot even begin to explain how fortunate we feel. But I must say, I was not really prepared for this yet.
Well, now I am kind of lying. I had actually just managed to wrap up most things at work (admin stuff), we had sorted out the car with the mechanic (ordered what I hope will be the final parts for the car to fix the problems we have had), booked the dogs in for a haircut and I had started planning my maternity leave (swimming, prenatal pilates classes, pregnancy massages, general nesting etc) so that by Friday 30th September I was pretty optimistic about October and my maternity leave starting. Little did I realise that only 4hrs into October, when according to our calculations she was only 37 weeks, little E would decide it was time to make her entrance to this world.
And that she did. My water broke at 4am on the 1st and after having spoken to my doctor we headed off to the hospital to have me and the baby checked. Once there we were told that yes indeed I was heading into labour and 2 cm dilated already. We were sent home to get our stuff, have breakfast and in general wait a bit longer so that my contractions would be a bit more regular and close together and told to head back to the hospital around 9am or so. Well, that we did. We headed home, J put together the last few things we still had to assemble of all her stuff as well as installed the car seat in the car while I packed my bag and prepared some breakfast for us. Looking back now, I am not sure what I was packing for really as I did just pack loads!
Food in case I get hungry (like we were off on a 2 day hike..), two sets of clothes to change into (not sure what I was thinking here either as you dont really care what you wear at this point as long as its comfy..), books (in case I would have time to read.. ehm.. ok..), a movie (in case we would have time to watch that.. EHM again…)… Thankfully I did also pack two sets of clothes for Little E, nappies, wet wipes, her Weleda baby care products and the camera.
We signed back into the hospital at about 9.30am and it was all very exciting and new and surreal at this point. I was NOT really computing that I was about to have a little baby, most likely that day. Having managed half the sign in process my contractions were starting to get stronger and I was sent up to the maternity ward ahead of J who finished off with the admissions guy downstairs.
Having gotten into my gown and settled into the room, by 11am things started speeding up. My the contractions were now getting slightly painful, especially when lying down. And of course they wanted me lying down so they could do their monitoring. I knew Little E was ok and I could feel her moving, so I was not very understanding about their need to do any monitoring at all. But of course they won and I had to lie down and suffer through it, knowing as well that I was frustratingly enough still only 2cm dilated. I mean WTF! All that pain for nothing?
As of 11am – 12pm my contractions started getting worse as I was dilating approximately 1cm per 20-30 mins. At this point I started having time distortion and all I could really think of was the regular rhythm of contraction – rest – contraction – rest. But at least things were starting to happen! And they were really happening so fast now that suddenly the nurses started stressing that my cool and chilled out doctor wouldn’t have time to get the birthing pool set up!
But thankfully he did.. However, I did not have much time in there at all since as soon as I jumped in my contractions changed and I could tell this was much more of a downward pressure than previous, encouraging me to start pushing. So, just as a side note here before we continue. I must say, the birth up till now had been a bit painful. Basically I had not expected the contractions to grow to such intensity, and I was not really able to enjoy the relaxation and serenity that hypnobirthing was supposed to give you… But at no point was I even considering an epidural or any pain killers. Its funny but it didnt really cross my mind as an option, even if the nurses kept asking and asking and asking me if I wanted it. (J would then again never have allowed that either.. And it was just easier to go through it than to pick a fight while in the midst of labour…)
What I found was the most difficult thing, and what hypnobirthing definitely helped me with, was overcoming the mental blocks and fears that so easily build up. I had entered into the whole pregnancy thing with an open mind and developed a strong philosophy with regards to how I wanted my baby to be born (as naturally as possible in water) and what I definitely didnt want for her (drugs, induction, intervention), what the course and all my meditations on the matter helped me with was getting rid of the fear I had previously harboured towards giving birth.
But as I was sitting there in the water, feeling another contraction coming on with its encouragement to start pushing, I realised that what I was most afraid of wasnt the pain at this point. Pain you know what is and you can handle. What I was afraid of was what will this final stage of childbirth really be like. And THAT was what made me almost not want to push but rather just hold her in in order to stop this whole thing. During the first contraction in water I sensed the change in the rhythm and type of contraction. During the second I felt a proper urge to push and I did tried it a bit, but just a little bit to see what it was like, still holding it in for dear life.. The third contraction I decided I might as well go for it. Or actually, I realised I will have to go for it if I want this to end. And during the fourth she was pretty much out.
Gazing into my daughters eyes for the first time was just incredible but also so surreal. I could not comprehend that she was finally here. Not to mention the tricky question of how do you hold a newborn baby? There was so much going through my mind and at the same time nothing, just silence as we stared. I think we were both as bewildered at meeting each other at quarter to four on a Saturday afternoon.
The following hour is a bit of a daze. Little E went off with J and the paediatrician to be checked while I remember being amazed at how all the pain had disappeared and how tiny my tummy suddenly had gone.
A bit more than 24hrs after my water broke we were allowed to head home from the hospital, another thing I would like to praise a natural birth for. Little E has also been extremely attentive, curious and in general so alert that I cannot help but think that she also got a birth that was as easy as possible for her. After all, she did a massive job as well when she worked her way into this world.
Little E is now almost a week old. She is absolutely amazing, even if I say so myself. I do realise it is a bit of a subjective opinion, but then again, its my blog. 😉
She sleeps calmly through the night, I have to wake her up every 3 hrs to feed her as otherwise she would happily snooze her way through. She is just like her daddy. She eats well and loves sitting up in mine or J’s lap, just watching the world around her. But mostly I think she likes sleeping and eating. What I like the most is looking at her when she does my favourite face, actually I love just looking at her in general. And of course knowing that this exciting adventure has just begun for all of us.